Madison, new district pooper-scooper, giving instruction to an offender.

District Pooper Scooper Replaced By Newcomer
    Andrew Shannon, the recently hired district pooper-scooper, has been replaced by young newcomer, Madison Robinson. New to the area this yeaar, Miss Robinson is enthusiastic about her job duties, moving to this rural community from the city. Dog poop is a newfound treasure, exclusive to country life, and she is excited about doing her part for the community. "She can sniff pils a mile away," says supervisor Mrs. O'Poodles, "She can find droppings anywhere, especially the ones hiding behind bushes and under rocks. Her height is a great advantage." Standing at a mere three feet tall, Madison is better able to see the ground, where a majority of the dog poop is located.

Andrew, saying goodbye to former clients.

   Andrew Shannon, fired after several days of missed work, complains about the strenuous working conditions. "At first I thought I would like it," says Andrew, "But then, once you've seen one turd, you've seen them all. The pay wan't that great either. All my friends said I should be making a lot more."
    Madison, who will be volunteering her services, is just glad to be helping the community.

Madison spies a prize while working as new district pooper-scooper.
 

How Much Is That Doggy in the Backyard?
   If you have ever wondered how much a purebred poodle is worth, just look in the garage at Mrs. O'Poodles' house. In an effort to please customers and infuriate her husband, Marcia has been accepting partial and full trades for some of her puppies.
  Some of her trades have included such items as an aluminum boat, an antique woodstove, a roasting oven, car maintenance, recliners, and rabbit meat. 
   She also trades her services as a dog groomer for pooper-scooper help, and although she enthusiastically encourages that deal, for some reason she has never had any repeat customers. 

Barn Cat Loses His Ninth Life
   Whitesocks, the friendly barn cat, has eaten his last mouse as of yesterday afternoon.
  Witnesses say he was casually walking on the south side when a gang of young poodles chased and attacked him. By the time rescuers arrived and beat the gang off, the cat had suffered extensive internal injuries. "He was making weird noises," says rescuer Willow McCain O'Shannon. "I knew he was going to die."
   Despite all attempts at resuscitating him, he died moments later.
   Residents got together and recalled fond memories of Whitesocks. "He was a good cat," says Stormy Robinson, "He never hurt anybody, he just wanted to keep to himself."
   So far the perpetrators, a local gang known as "Alona's Pups" have not been apprehended.

Family members keeping Madison warm while she sleeps.

45 Dogs, 9 People In Same House: Experts Baffled
   An amazing number of living creatures has been reported co-existing in the rural community of O'Shannonville. Forty-five dogs, nine humans, and four cats all live simultaneously and peacefully at the same address.
   This kind of existence baffles scientists whose calculations clearly show that this large number cannot possibly survive without constant arguments and violence. "One can't have too many poodles," laughs the mother of the house (or Mrs. O'Poodles as she likes to be called), "Or too many grandchildren!"
   With a grandma, grandpa, four children, two son-in-laws and a grand-daughter living in harmony, neighbors have called in the experts to explain how this phenomena could occur in such a small community. "It is a mystery of science," said one scientist, "I don't think this will ever be solved."

Young Stud Injured By Local Ruffian
   Whisper O'Shannon, the white miniature poodle who has undergone so many tribulations lately, fell victim to another ugly incident earlier this week.
   While visiting his new girlfriend, Puddin', at her place of employment "Bitches-R-Us", a local breeding house, Whisper allegedly offended the local mob boss Baron with his affection toward the young lady. Some witnesses say that 

Standard Poodle and Mob Boss, Baron.

Whisper was maliciously attacked, but others think it is just the law of the streets. "Big dogs always get the upperhand," says the Madame, Mrs. O'Poodles. "If you come in looking for love then you have to fight for it. Unfortunately Whisper was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. All the girls love Whisper."
   Whisper is currently undergoing treatment for three puncture wounds, two in the chest and one in the neck, but he is expected to survive with minimal scarring.
   Puddin' however, after watching Whisper get attacked on her behalf, has lost all interest in romance, and has turned to a life of crime and is currently serving a short sentence in the county jail.

Sudden Baby Boom Worries Residents
   The most dramatic increase in the number of births since last fall has been reported in the small rural community of O'Shannonville. Some townsfolk have blamed the water as the culprit for the two dozen babies born in a single 24 hour period last week.
    New first-time mother, Dreamer O'Shannon, one of the surge of baby boomers, is overwhelmed by her share of strange luck. Giving birth to twelve healthy newborns on Tuesday, she had to give the smallest two up for adoption due to her lack of resources. This kind of over-productivity worries some residents though. "What will happen down the road from now?" asks local towns person, Todd Robinson. "They are all cute and cuddly now, but in no time they will be yappy, expensive, messy, burdends on the rest of society."
   Most of the community shares his opinion. Too many newborns at the same time can create an overwhelming problem as they grow into adolescence and adulthood, burdening this small community that isn't equipped to handle so many youngsters. "We will just have to build more adequate housing," says coucil woman Mrs. O'Poodles. "We have a responsibility to these young ones to turn them into productive members of society." But local residents fear "productive" is exactly what they will turn out to be.
 
 
 

Not Everyone Pleased With The Return of Runaways
    After more than a week of frantic searching, two local runaways were found outside the city limits, hungry and tired.
   Shane and Duke, two adolescents from the west side, ran away when their accomplice, Baron encouraged them to leave. They were seen on a few brief occassions, but the townspeople couldn't rest until they were brought home safely. Most of the townspeople, that is.
    Some area residents weren't glad to see the two return. "They were nothin' but trouble," says David Shannon, local home owner, "If they never came back, then that's two punks I don't have to put up with."
    Most residents had mixed feelings about the return of the two. "I'm glad they aren't hurt, but I would like to see them move out of our town," says long-time resident Willow McCain. "They would be happier somewhere else, and we would be happier if they were somewhere else too."
   Their mother, Marcia O'Poodles, is relieved that they returned safely, and has no plans of moving to another neighborhood, despite neighbors concerns. " These two are being punished accordingly, and will not run away again," she says, "And as for everyone who dislikes my children, too bad, because we are here for good!"
 
 

Cedar Shannon allegedly falls while doing chores.

Brother Recovers From Foot Injury, Sisters Cry Foul
   Cedar Shannon, assistant manager of the local movie theater, is walking on his own two feet these days after recovering from a fatal foot injury. His sisters Willow and Stormy, however, claim that his injury was all a farce to get attention.
   Witnesses reported hearing him scream, "I'm dyin' over here!", after he fell sideways during a heated game of "HORSE." He demanded to be transported to the nearest hospital where he received emergency attention.
   "Cedar is a faker!", claims Willow McCain, "He just sits on his butt and watches sports all day!" Despite being unable to perform daily tasks such as showering, cooking, and working, Cedar was spotted frequenting the neighborhood basketball court and going on long walks with his girlfriend, Nicole.
    Detectives hired by the two sisters took pictures of Mr. Shannon doing push-ups, running, and kick-boxing during the same time period in which he complained of debilitating pain.
    Now that Cedar claims he has completely recovered, the world will never know if he was faking his injury or not.
 
 

Brooke McCain measuring wife, Willow, for new car seat covers.

Impala Brings Joy of Driving To Man, Wife
    Residents Brooke and Willow McCain have been used to cramped quarters lately, but that all changed a few weeks ago with the purchase of their dream car, a 1972 Chevrolet Impala.
    "We can fit the whole family in here," joked Brooke, "I can't wait to go for a Sunday drive."
    The Impala, or the "Pimp-Mobile" as local residents call it, has undergone extensive renovations since the McCains purchased it. Last Saturday it was washed and waxed for the first time in 18 years, and one new wheel was bought.
    The Impala has also enhanced their married life, "We are so close to one another now," said Willow, "I can sit right next to him on the bench seat. Now, if I can only get him into the backseat."
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Note from the editor:
All of the articles in this newsletter are true to the best of my knowledge, however, my view of dog life is slightly different than Marcia O'Poodles and it should not be assumed she shares my views completely. She did review this edition before it went to press, and after she stopped laughing, she gave it her blessing.
Stormy- Marcia O'Poodles daughter.